Growing up under relentless expectations left invisible marks on my self-esteem—marks that took years to understand and heal. Here’s how I reclaimed confidence and nurtured my inner child.

Curated Appearances and Unrealistic Expectations

Scrolling through Rednote, I noticed a trend: Chinese girls with impossibly long lower legs, like Barbie dolls. Their proportions were stretched and perfected—a look curated for social media. At first, it felt odd. Then I realized: this mirrors the pressure many children face—the push to meet standards that don’t feel natural.

Just as social media sets impossible ideals, parental expectations can do the same. When children learn—explicitly or not—that their worth depends on achievements or appearances, it leaves lasting inner child wounds. These often show up as self-criticism, constant comparison, and perfectionism—patterns I still recognize in myself today.

My Childhood: Three Worlds of Pressure

I grew up in Brazil, a place where confidence came naturally—running around in bikinis, loving my body, and soaking up the sun without a care in the world. Life was playful, free, and full of joy… until my parents decided I needed a “cultural upgrade.”

Since I grew up surrounded by three cultures, my parents were determined I learn my roots. They were old-school, wanting to preserve the Taiwan culture of their generation—a culture carefully maintained since they left in the ’70s. So they enrolled me in Chinese school. Most kids spent two hours a weekend learning Chinese. Me? Two full days. Every week.

Weekends were consumed by Chinese calligraphy, history, painting, ethnic dances, and memorizing dynasties—and I can still perform a silk ribbon dance, the kind Shen Yun performers wow audiences with in big U.S. theaters. 

By high school, I practically had a touring company résumé. A Miss Chinatown scout even spotted me during one of my tours and tried to recruit me for four years in college, insisting I had the “look and skills” to win Miss Chinatown USA. I politely declined—mostly because, ironically, you didn’t even need to speak Chinese to compete. All those years of memorizing dynasties and winning Chinese speech contests suddenly felt hilariously… unnecessary.

Sleepovers? Forget it. If you’ve had a “Tiger Mom,” you know the drill: invitations politely declined, sometimes with a fully itemized schedule explaining why I could not, under any circumstances, go.

On top of that, there were violin lessons. I begged for piano, but my parents insisted on violin—apparently being different mattered more than having fun. I had the best teacher—the symphony orchestra’s first violinist—and became first violin in junior high and high school by dominating every sight-reading playoff for first chair. Frankly, everyone hated playing against me. Meanwhile, my friends were effortlessly juggling piano and violin while I carried a backpack full of calligraphy homework, memorized dynasties, and perfected dances.

Fast forward to senior year of college: I needed a boost to graduate with honors, so I signed up for a Chinese language exam. Keep in mind, I hadn’t looked at a Chinese character in four years—too many traumatic flashbacks from forced memorization haunted me. Somehow, all that childhood brainwashing paid off: I got a perfect score. Victory never tasted so bittersweet.

Internally, though, my inner child often felt unheard and unseen. I longed for just one unscheduled afternoon to lounge in a bikini in the backyard without my mom warning me not to tan too much. In her old-school mindset, the fairer your skin, the more refined and “upper class” you looked—so apparently, a sun-kissed Brazilian child was a little too rustic for the family image.

While the specifics here are unique to my upbringing, anyone who experienced intense cultural or academic expectations can relate to the feeling of being constantly evaluated. Whether it’s strict academics, demanding extracurriculars, or performance expectations, the message is the same: your worth is measured by achievement rather than by your inherent value.

How High-Pressure Parenting Shapes Inner Child Wounds

Being constantly compared to others or pushed toward achievement teaches children that love is conditional. When success becomes the measure of worth, children may begin to believe that nothing they do is ever enough. Over time, this environment can create deep-seated inner child wounds, including:

• Perfectionism: The persistent belief that every action must meet impossible standards. Children internalize the idea that mistakes are failures, and their value is tied to accomplishment rather than inherent worth.

• Shame and Self-Criticism: When expectations feel unrelenting, children may internalize judgment and develop a critical inner voice. This can make them overly harsh toward themselves and hesitant to acknowledge their efforts or successes.

• Fear of Failure: Repeated pressure and comparison can lead children to avoid risks, suppress creativity, or shy away from new experiences. Protecting themselves from criticism becomes a priority, often at the expense of personal growth and self-expression.

• Feeling Unworthy of Love: Children may unconsciously learn they must “earn” love or approval. As adults, this can manifest as entering toxic relationships, tolerating mistreatment, or doubting they deserve respect and care.

Even subtle daily cues—from a parent’s glance to the reinforcement of cultural norms—can perpetuate these patterns. Healing begins when we recognize that these messages are not a reflection of our inherent worth, but conditioned survival strategies. Understanding this distinction allows us to nurture our inner child, fostering a sense of safety, acceptance, and self-compassion.

Inner Child Healing: A Path Forward

Healing your inner child doesn’t require forgetting the past; it means creating new experiences of safety, acknowledgment, and choice. The goal is to give yourself what may have been missing in childhood: permission, compassion, and joy. Here are gentle practices for anyone raised under high-pressure or culturally demanding environments:

1. Acknowledge Your Inner Child’s Struggle
   Take a quiet moment to connect with your younger self. Recognize the effort, resilience, and dedication it took to navigate early expectations. Simply naming the struggle validates your experience and begins to ease internalized pressure.
2. Set Boundaries with Self-Criticism
   Notice when perfectionism or harsh self-judgment arises. Pause and affirm: “I am enough as I am. My value is not tied to achievement or approval.” This protects your inner child from ongoing cycles of criticism.
3. Reclaim Small Joys
   Engage in simple, joyful activities that spark curiosity, creativity, or relaxation. These moments reconnect you to intrinsic joy and remind your inner child that play and enjoyment are allowed.
4. Celebrate Progress, Not Comparison
   Shift focus away from comparing yourself to others or external standards. Celebrate your own steps forward. Every act of self-compassion and every moment spent honoring your inner child matters. Healing grows through patience, practice, and acknowledgment, rather than external validation.

If you’re interested, in my Inner Child Healing series, informed by both lived experience and years of guidance work, I outline practical steps to nurture your inner child. Available in both English and Spanish, the series includes a companion coloring book and a journaling prompts book—tools designed to make self-reflection engaging, accessible, and deeply personal. These resources help you nurture your inner child through gentle exercises, creative expression, and guided prompts, so you can reclaim joy, confidence, and a sense of safety in your everyday life.

Reflecting on the Past to Heal the Future

Looking back, my experiences in Chinese schooling, violin lessons, and cultural expectations shaped the lens through which I viewed myself. By recognizing these patterns, I can now nurture my inner child, reclaim agency, and cultivate joy without the weight of judgment. Healing isn’t instant—it’s a daily practice, built from small, consistent gestures of self-kindness and understanding.

Each step toward self-compassion is a step toward freedom. By honoring our past without letting it define us, we open the door to a life guided by choice rather than expectation, courage rather than fear, and love rather than conditional approval. The inner child we once silenced can finally be heard, celebrated, and allowed to thrive—reminding us that we are whole, capable, and deserving of joy.

Reparenting Your Inner Child: Breaking the Generational Cycle

Healing your inner child isn’t just about self-care—it’s also about changing the way you relate to the next generation. If you’re a parent, understanding your own childhood wounds can transform how you show up for your child. When you nurture the inner child within yourself, you model safety, acceptance, and unconditional love, breaking patterns of perfectionism, shame, and fear that might otherwise repeat.

Reparenting doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built from small, consistent acts: pausing before reacting, offering compassion to yourself when you make mistakes, and creating space for your child to feel seen and heard. By tending to your inner child, you not only reclaim your own freedom and joy—you also give your child the gift of a parent who can guide them with empathy rather than fear, breaking cycles of generational trauma.

If you’re ready to explore this further, my book Inner Child Healing offers tools to:

• Recognize the hidden wounds from childhood and understand how they influence your thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

• Gently rewrite conditioned beliefs that no longer serve you, replacing self-criticism with self-compassion.

• Build a safe, nurturing inner environment where your authentic self can thrive.

• Reparent your inner child, breaking cycles of generational trauma and fostering healthier relationships.

• Reclaim small joys and pleasures that were denied in childhood, creating lasting habits of play, creativity, and self-expression.

• Navigate challenges like perfectionism, fear of failure, and shame with practical exercises and mindfulness techniques.

• Track your growth and reflect meaningfully through companion journaling prompts and guided exercises.

• Access creative tools, like a companion coloring book, to make healing playful, accessible, and personal.

• Foster resilience, confidence, and a deeper sense of self-worth that extends to your personal and professional life.

Healing isn’t about being perfect; it’s about finally feeling at home in yourself. Your past shapes you, but it doesn’t define you.

Thousands of readers have trusted this guidance to reconnect with their inner child, reclaim joy, and rewrite old patterns. Step into your own journey—because your inner child deserves to be seen, heard, and fully cherished.

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About the Author

Susye Weng-Reeder, known online as SincerelySusye™, is a Google Verified Internet Personality, best-selling author writing under the pen name S. M. Weng, and intuitive spiritual writer. Beyond her background in the tech industry at Facebook, Apple, and Zoom, she has become a trusted voice in the realms of astrology, twin flame journeys, and soul healing.

Her books—available in print, ebook, and Audible audiobook formats online and at your local bookstore—have received exceptional reviews for their clarity and empathy, guiding readers through the complexities of inner child healing, twin flame connections, and spiritual awakening.

Her work explores the synchronicities, challenges, and breakthroughs of the twin flame connection, weaving together astrology, energy awareness, and spiritual growth. Through her writing, Susye helps readers recognize the cosmic patterns guiding their relationships, encouraging them to see divine timing, alignment, and purpose in their soul connections.

On her site, SincerelySusye.com, she shares astrology insights, intuitive guidance, and healing practices for those navigating the intense yet transformative path of twin flames—offering light, clarity, and hope to seekers everywhere.